The Infamous Tag Team Night....

Sometime in 2005...

There are those certain nights, where a girl and her college friend randomly decide that they both need to get laid.

Do you ever have one of those nights, ladies? Sitting in the dorm room on a Saturday night and bored, one of my good girlfriends [Rockstar] and I were tired of the underage drinking we would normally partake in and were watching reruns of America's Next Top Model (before we started hating that self righteous bitch Tyra Banks) on our TiVo when...

*Ring-ring* *Ring-ring* My cell phone goes off. I look at the caller ID and see that it is one of my pledge brothers from a co-ed fraternity I was in, [Big Ego]. Big Ego and I had a kind of love-hate relationship at the time - he was always talking about how amazing he was in bed, and I played off on that, challenging him to 1) whip it out (come on guys, don't tell me you don't love it when a girl just tells you to show her your dick) and 2) come over and show me what he was working with. Point #2, if you weren't already aware, meant sex.

I look over at Rockstar, who was munching on those mini Reese's Peanut Butter cups and asked her, "Dude it's Big Ego... Do I want to deal with this right now?" She thinks about it for about a half second, then says, "Eh, why the hell not?"

So I continue to pick up the phone. Big Ego immediately begins flirting with me in that "I'll give you a night you won't forget" way and this time (and to this day I have no idea what changed this time) I decided to cut the coy "good girl pretending to be a bad girl" bull shit and said, "Hey Big Ego - I'm going to call you out right now. You and me, let's do this." I think I may have thrown him off a bit, looking back, because he back pedaled (that pussy), saying, "Well it's kind of late already and if you had told me beforehand then I could have planned for this..."

"Planned for what?" I asked. "I'm just saying let's stop this song and dance and you show me what you've been saying for the past I don't know how many months about showing me a good time."

After a few minutes more of struggling, he obliged.

Rockstar, who at this point is no longer paying attention to Tyra Banks babbling on about her stupid self (seriously, why don't they just call it the "Tyra Banks Thinks She's Better than Everyone But is Really Insecure About Her Failing Career" show? But I digress) but instead is intently listening to this entertaining conversation occurring between Big Ego and me, asks, "Does he have a roommate?"

It's times like these that make me realize why I love Rockstar.

"Do you have a roommate?" I ask Big Ego. He sounds confused, initially thinking that I was hinting at some sort of menage-a-trois, hesitantly responded, "......Um... Yes...."

"Okay good." I respond. "Tell him to expect two girls."

Rockstar and I hop in a car and were on our merry way to have sex with two guys. I was not very attracted to Big Ego, not to say that he is unattractive, but he just wasn't my type. Our mutual friends all thought he was the cutest thing in this gorgeous city of San Diego (really, Ladies? So many hotter guys down at the Gaslamp...) and I was the one that was going to sleep with him. Just to see if he was actually as amazing as he claimed.

We arrive at their abode - the typical San Diego college bachelor pad. Surf boards and wetsuits in the hall way, a Sony Playstation and an XBox accompanied their small television and there were no coasters present. Big Ego and his roommate [Other Guy] were sitting on their couch awkwardly before offering Rockstar and me a drink. We cracked open a beer and watched some Futurama (I love that show to this day and wish they never canceled it).

After the episode ended, Big Ego and I decided we were "tired" (code for: We're going to be having sex now, good night) and went back into his room. I don't remember much about his room other than that it bothered me he had no bed frame. Don't get me wrong, the place wasn't a shit hole or anything, but call me OCD, I'm a girl who likes to have sex on a nice bed frame. Whatever, at this point I couldn't back off. I didn't even want to have sex anymore, but I didn't want to lose. After all, I was the one who called Big Ego out, to put his money (or in this case, penis) where his mouth was (figuratively) and to just call it a night right then and there would make me the ultimate cock tease.

Things start getting hot and heavy and we tear each other's clothes off. Down to underwear, I pull down his boxers and I shit you not I wanted to burst out laughing.

Guys, when women say "Size doesn't matter," most of the time this is a lie. I'm sure you all know that, but just to drive that point home, the girl either really loves you for who you are or she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. At this point, I was already in too deep and yes, I was horny so we had sex.

This was the ONLY time I ever faked an orgasm. After this, I silently and solemnly swore to myself that never again would I 1) have sex with Big Ego or 2) fake an orgasm. It was a low point in my life.

After the deed was done, I put my clothes on, hoping that Rockstar had better luck and was also ready to leave. Big Ego looked at me and asked, "Aren't you staying over?" Maybe it was because I was 19 at the time or because I really was quite tired, I felt bad saying no. I climbed into bed and took a short nap.

Half an hour later: I wake up to a "PSSSST" sound. I realize, as Big Ego has no pet snake, that this sound was coming from Rockstar, who was standing outside Big Ego's door. I quietly tiptoe over to the door, open it, and the two of us get in the car and immediately start laughing.

"So.... how was it for you?" I ask her. She gives me the classic Rockstar look and responds, "He had a really small penis."

-Rina: "How small are we talking?"
Rockstar: *Places her index and middle fingers together with both hands, creating the ultimate small penis and pretends to give this fake penis a blow job* "Yeah, about that small."

The hilarious thing is, Rockstar was completely serious. She wasn't laughing when she did this, and for that I loved her more.

-Rina: "Yeah Big Ego wasn't any better..."
Rockstar: "I guess there's something to that birds of a feather saying."

Later I found out from Rockstar that Other Guy held onto her after their hot and sweaty sinful act like a preschooler latching onto his mother's legs on his first day of school. Rockstar said that she tried to maneuver her way out by carefully, and quietly slithering out of his death grip. After about twenty minutes or so, she said she had managed to release herself and even got as far as putting her clothes on. This must've woken Other Guy, as he then asked her where she was going. Thinking on her toes, Rockstar quickly voiced her need to pee then made it out of the room like a madman escaping from the mental hospital.

Big Ego and I stopped flirting after that night. In fact, we stopped speaking to each other completely up until about six months ago. I never told him that he gave me the single worst lay of my life.

And this next question was not answered until many years later...

Rockstar: "What was the name of the guy I just slept with?"